It makes me... Mom

I sit here staring at the computer screen. I need to be doing so much. My heart is just broken and burdened this morning. I want so much for my children. All the things that any good parent wants really. But there are things that I want for them that I can't give them. Motivation, excellence, drive ... school has always been a struggle for my poor Clay. Not so much for the other two - oh, they have had their moments - but a constant grief is what it has been for my oldest son. I don't know how to fix it. That's who I am - that's my place in the family. I'm the fixer. And yet, I have a piece of my heart that is struggling and I can't fix it. Does he have a stubborn personality? Yes. Does he have focusing issues? Yes. Can he be annoying just like any nine year old boy? Yes. Is he unteachable? No. He needs people in his school life that are fully vested in him - which right now is questionable. I can't fix that either. So right now I see eight more seasons of hardship for him. It breaks my heart. So all I can do is pray. Encourage him. Pray... and then pray some more. There are no words I can even use to describe how much I love my children - my family - and the lengths I would go to for them. But I do recognize that there are places they have to go that I can't. I can't take the hurts from them - although I carry the hurts with them. I can't make the grades for them - although I struggle over each page with them. I can't make them be self-motivated - although I can lead by example. Why can't others see what I see? There is so much potential and yet I can't seem to correctly harness all that Clay is -point him in the right direction- and help him to excel, all at once. I can't fix it. It drives me crazy. It drives me to do better. It drives me to fight harder. It makes me question my abilities. It makes me dig down deep and see what I'm really made of. It makes me want to scoop up my kids and cradle them til the world goes away. It makes me.... Mom.

Crispy Qui Gon

Today was a day filled with laughter... I love days like that. Actually, it started the night before at the home of some friends. We played rockband and balderdash and spent the evening with a constant laugh or smile on our faces. We slept in, watched the boys play video games, watched a show that was on the DVR, and watched a movie. Clay's choice of movie was Star Wars Episode 1. **MOVIE SPOILER AHEAD** If you haven't seen it and plan to watch it soon, quit reading! ... at the very end of the movie Qui Gon Jinn dies. He's a good guy Jedi. Customary to Jedi ways, Qui Gon Jinn's body is burned in the presence of the Jedi council. So as we are all sitting there, watching Qui Gon turn into a crispy critter, Scott makes a sarcastic remark "I bet that smells good." Clay looks at him in disgust and says, "Dad! They're not going to eat him!" We laughed until we thought we couldn't laugh anymore! Even Clay started laughing but didn't know what he was laughing

  for.

 

After the laughter subsided, Scott thought it would be funny to come up with some kind of meal and call it Qui Gon Jinn. When I asked Clay what he thought Qui Gon Jinn should have in it, he commented: "Meat!"

That kid is not too slow on the uptake! So we enjoyed another round of laughter.

Hmmmm - it's moments like those I want to wrap up in my pocket, take out on a rainy day and just smile.....

It's Been Too Long...

December was a crazy time for our family. All the coming and going. Family gatherings. Church functions. Community celebrations.... whew. I'm glad December is over! There have been so many things to cross my mind -- "I've got to remember to blog that..." Even my family says stuff like, "there's something for your blog!" So in no particular order... here are some things you might have heard from a family member at one time or another in the last month:

"Mom - that lady comes to my class but one time I saw her - she downloaded her hair. It didn't look like that," said Nolan as he was pointing to a woman that comes to his classroom. "Really? She downloaded her hair?" was my reply. "No. Not off the internet or anything. I mean it wasn't up," he says while using his index fingers, placed closely to the back of his head, and pointing upwards.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Ha ha ha - Nolan, I'm gonna stick this in your kah-rotch!" Clay shouted, laughing at his brother with a new light saber in hand. They were supposed to be putting their jammies on. The word "crotch" is not totally acceptable in our home but it's better than some of the alternatives. That being said, my boys have turned that one syllable word into  a two-syllable one, which unfortunately, makes it even funnier. My response to that was to holler back: "No one is sticking anything in anyone's crotch!"... oh, my. If someone had been standing outside our front door - what would they be thinking right now??

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am allergic to hard shellfish. I can eat shrimp but I will never know the joys of lobster or crab (although I don't know that I am totally missing out on that) dipped in butter. Mallory is apprehensive to even try crab because she wonders if she might be allergic too. Not the boys. They dive in face first. One of the last times we went out for dinner, Clay ordered shrimp and crab enchiladas. After eating till he was full, he poked a bunch of crab on his fork and waved it at Mallory. "Come on, Mal. Just try it. It's good." he says with a grin. "No, Clay, I don't want to."
"Come on, Mal! It's not going to hurt you. It's dead!"
Mallory laughs easy - which is so nice - cause all my kids have a beautiful laugh.... and Nolan doesn't want her to miss out either - so, thinking she might not fully understand dead.... "Yeah, Mal. They just went to the beach with their shotgun. Saw a crab. Shot it and cooked it. It's okay..." The restaurant was mostly empty on our side but there was enough laughter at our table to fill the place. We kept picturing someone jogging down the beach, with a gun, crab hunting. .....

This Stinks.....

It has been such a busy day. Got the house all decorated ... finally. Have had the tree up since the beginning of December but the house just wasn't finished. So I finally got my to-do list whittled down to a nub today. Most of the laundry is done. Yummy meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. Fire dimming in the fireplace.
All my boys decided to play some Wii games before bed. Clay and Dad were duking it out in a home run derby when Clay cries out: "How many foul bowels are there going to be?!" Mallory was propped up beside me while we were trying to figure something out on the laptop. Needless to say she and I both fell apart into a heap of laughter. Ahhhhh good times. Good times.

Fa La La La La La La La La

Overheard this song being sung by Clay.... "Deck the halls with bounds of folly! Fa la la la la la la....."  FOLLY: A lack of good sense, understanding, or foresight.
Whoever uses good sense at Christmas time?? We spend too much on gifts, we make too many goodies, we EAT way too many goodies, we overschedule ourselves for too many activities... isn't it all folly?

"The folly of one man is the fortune of another."-Francis Bacon

The world says that those who follow Christ have no sense, can't think for themselves, have no understanding of high thoughts and scientific authentication. To me, the folly of following Christ is more desirable than the ideas of the wisest of human leaders. Just as the Magi came from the east seeking to worship Him, this Christmas may the folly of my walk with God extend to those less fortunate than me... to those hurting far more than me... to those seeking the love of a Savior... it must be said that wise men still seek Him.

Jumping off a bridge....

Early this morning before the chaos of the day began, Nolan snuggled up with Daddy and told us about his day yesterday.
"Mom, I jumped out of my swing yesterday."
"While it was in the air?"
"Yep!" he said with a grin.
"That's dangerous, son. You need to be careful doing that." Daddy replied.
"How high were you?" I asked.
Nolan held his hand about a foot off the bed, "That high."
"Who taught you how to do that?" I asked him.
"Isaiah," a boy in his kindergarten class.
"Well, if Isaiah jumped off a bridge, would you jump off one too?" I asked him and then immediately thought of my mother asking me the same thing....
He shook his head no. "We don't have a bridge at school."
Let's hope better judgment kicks in soon!!

ThanksLIVING

More than anything I want to live out a life of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is more than a day. It's an attitude of the heart! This picture is from our very 1st family vacation. Chicago - 2009.  Scott and I have been married 20 years. We were so thankful and grateful for this vacation. I want the attitude of my heart to be the same... the same anticipation for the great times ahead, a go-with-the-flow spirit when things don't work out exactly as I want them to, cherishing each moment because it is brand new.... God gives me lots of brand new moments. Even in the "everyday" of my life. I just have to choose to see them that way. So as Thanksgiving quickly approaches - my prayer for you and me is that we will see in our everyday lives those moments that we need to cherish. Those people that God has placed in our lives - to be thankful for - even if they drive us nutty on occasion! That cracked and faded Bible - God's personal love letter and guide to living - is always available in our country of freedoms. An attitude of thanksliving is my goal... and I'm starting right now. Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever. Psalm 106:1

Funnies

Proud to say that my alma mater and my daughter's current high school football team is in the semi-finals for the state championship. Pretty cool! Thursday night Clay comes running into the living room, "Mom! We've got to get to pepper alley! It starts at 7:00!" He meant the pep rally. It was too funny to correct!

After the game last night Clay wanted to be a game show host so Scott and I were the "components". :D
"Questions 1 - Who was the president of the united states during the civil war?

C)George Washington

C)Thomas Jefferson or

B)Barrack Obama?

Scott answered George Washington and got 100 points. Every answer I got right I was given 99 points. There's something wrong with this scoring to say the least!!

This morning Scott talked to his parents. He and his brother are going to shoot skeet and wanted their dad to go. He doesn't have a shotgun but does have a .22 pistol. Scott said "Dad, if you can hit a skeet with a .22 - that's a pretty amazing shot." His mom piped up and said "He can't hit the driveway with a car. That would be amazing." My funny bone has been tickled since then!

That old baggage

Lord, that old baggage keeps showing up. Every time I think I have given you that trunk full of anger, disappointment and insecurity - I turn around and I am trying to carry it again. It's too heavy for me. I can't be who You want me to be AND carry that around. So, once again Lord, I am leaving that albatross at Your feet. Remind me when I glance back at it that You have it. That I don't need to carry it. Remind me that these things that I struggle with have been nailed to the cross along with those situations that hurt me or my family beyond words... help me to remember that You are working all things for our good and to trust You... "Oh praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." It's the anthem of my heart God. In the name of Jesus. AMEN

Crawl

How long will this take?

How much can I go through?

My heart, my soul aches

I don't know what to do

I bend but don't break

And somehow I'll get through

'cause I have You

And if I have to crawl

Will You crawl too

I stumble and I fall

Carry me through

The wonder of it all

Is You

See me through

Oh Lord, where are You?

Do not forget me here

I cry in silence

Can You not see my tears?

When all have left me

And hope has disappeared

You find me here

And when I have to crawl

Will You crawl too

I stumble and I fall

Carry me through

The wonder of it all

Is You

See me through

When everything I was is lost

I have forgot where You have not

When I am lost You have not lost me

You have not lost me

And if I have to crawl

Will You crawl too

I stumble and I fall

Carry me through

The wonder of it all

Is You

See me through

CRAWL (Carry me through) by Superchick

For my daughter who is going through those life lessons that no one likes, for my sister Shannon who struggles daily with complications from MS, for anyone who is just dealing with the things God is allowing us to go through - He'll never leave us nor forsake us. Hang in there. <3